Helyn Dunn
screenwriter, poet, author
What To Do With An Extra Day
Every four years or so, we're blessed with an EXTRA day. But sometimes, there isn't an extra day every four years. The year has to be divisible by 4. But not always. Not if the year is evenly divisible by 100. I don't understand it either. I just look at the calendar. But true Leap Years have 366 days. This is so that in 10,000 years we're not shoveling snow in July, or something like that. Who made these rules?
But if it's an extra day of the year, then why is everything the same? I vote for making Leap Day a national-- no, an INTERnational holiday! I think it's only fair. If there is an extra day in the year I want it to myself. It's kind of like when we have to turn the clocks back every Fall. I LIKE that extra hour and I like to use it however I want. After all, come Spring, they're just going to take it back! Who made these rules?
But no one steals your Leap Day back. It's not like four years from now we'll LOSE a day. So, I think this day we should all be able to do whatever the heck we want. If you want to stay home and contemplate your navel, have at it. If you want to go skydiving, do it! This should be the NO-RULE day. I think it was that notion which gave ladies "permission" to propose marriage to a man on Leap Day, anyway. Kind of like being at sea. Carte Blanche. No Laws. No rules-just right. Wait… that's Outback Steakhouse.
Anyway, I better get busy trying to figure out what to do with my extra day before it's gone. Let's see, where did I put George Clooney's number?…
Hat People
Do you sometimes feel like you’re the smartest person on the road? Lately I feel like I’m the ONLY smart person on the road. I think it has something to do with “Triple A” stickers. A friend of mine from college tipped me off on this years ago. And as strange as it sounds, I believe she was right. Almost every time someone in front of me does something really stupid, they have one of those silvery AAA stickers on their car. Either that, or they are wearing a hat. Really. I’m not lying. You should do your own research on this. And if the person is wearing a hat AND has a ‘AAA’ sticker, you should stay far, far away!
I haven’t found any sound reason for this other than the fact that if you are a AAA member, you really don’t need to put that sticker on your car in order for them to service you if you break down and maybe the person is just really paranoid. Have you ever seen 3 or more ‘AAA’ stickers on a car? Do they think they have to put a new one on every year they renew their subscription? As far as the “hat people” go, maybe their hats are too tight so the blood flow to their brains is lessened.
Maybe I feel like a driving genius because I live in Florida. Where the geriatric population (most of them on about 8 different prescription drugs) is so large. Then there are the tourists who have no idea where they are going, not that they have anywhere urgent to go. Lollygagging in the fast lane while deciding which restaurant to patronize today while those of us who need to get to work dodge around them only to be stuck at one of those interminable Florida stop lights… but that’s another story.
Happy driving!
Okay, I confess. I’m a drug addict. I can’t start the day without my “fix.” But I’m not alone. My miserable company includes 54% of the adult population in the United States, spending a purported 18 billion dollars each year on their habits. Of course, if you haven’t figured it out, yet, I’m talking about Joe, Java, Go Juice, Morning Mud, Fully-Leaded COFFEE!
It’s not just the caffeine rush I crave. There is much more of a psychological addiction built in to my coffee cravings. It’s the “me time” I get in the morning; a ritualistic, 21st Century, mostly-women’s escape tactic. Before the kids wake up and the hectic nine-to-five (nowadays more like seven-to-ten) work day begins escape. Before the cell phones start ringing with too many ring-tones to count escape. Before the iPod headphones are stuffed into teenagers’ over-stimulated ears so-that-I-don’t-have-to-listen-to-you today escape. It’s the serene, blessed nano-moments of my precious day that I am also addicted to.
The other day, during a quick respite from the job, I walked into a trendy bagel joint. My usual coffee house was blocks away; too far to make it before I had to be back at work. I figured they must have a decent brew and I was dragging a little so needed a mid-day pick me up. I paid and, thank God, spotted the myriad of self-serve carafes before nodding off. The instant the “bold” roast started its decent into my paper mug I knew I was in trouble. It was too transparent. I added some half and half and then tried to find the raw sugar… none. I took one sip and sunk into a mid-day detox apathy. I boldly went to the cashier for a refund, sliding the watery “coffee” towards her. She never even asked why. I was probably not the only one dissatisfied with the wanna-be-bold brew. I shuffled out without my fix.
There are so many different KINDS of coffee that it can be overwhelming to some. I say, keep it simple. As Denis Leary would say, “I want coffee-flavored coffee!” The stronger the better. Cowboy coffee-- let the spoon stand up in the middle of the mud. Yeah.
In the early 90s when I was a Day Trader I often looked at SBUX stock. Should I buy? But my trading was limited to the NASDQ, so I missed out… at least I could have had an excuse for my then $100 a month habit. Now I try to keep it to one or two cups per day. There was a time when I was guzzling about 10 cups or more daily and could have a gutsy espresso before bed, easily falling off to sleep. But of course, as with any drug, a little is a stimulant, a lot is a depressant and too much will kill you. Fortunately, for most of us, our good senses take hold before death by caffeine can.
